


forgiveness is not the end (it's a road)

by carolinka



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 20:19:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9288113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinka/pseuds/carolinka
Summary: "Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym."-Stephen King





	

 

They don’t talk much during their flight back home except when it’s absolutely necessary. Steve tries to thank him a few times but Tony just waves him off with a careless flick of his wrist, never making eye contact and continues tapping on his SI tablet furiously, pretending he isn’t going through gossip sites just so he doesn’t have to think about the next twenty four hours. Tony never wears his suit during flights, always said it makes him feel like he’s suffocating but he doesn’t make any move to remove any of it and Steve wonders if he thinks there is a chance of a dirty fight.

Barnes is even quieter. He stares at Tony for a long time as if he’s trying to solve a puzzle until Tony sends him a disdainful glare and shuts down the face plate loudly.

It isn’t long before Tony stands up without a word and locks himself in a room, which is too small for anyone, let alone the suit. But apparently it’s better than seeing their faces and he doesn’t make a noise or show up at all and he’s long gone when they land.

***

“Jarvis, lend the shield to Rogers while I’m away.”

“Would you like me to add a note, sir?” Jarvis asks, almost hesitant.

“You can tell him he can even stuff it in his ass.”

“No notes then.”

***

Rhodey and Tony are sitting in the kitchen, beer in Rhodey’s, orange juice in Tony’s hand when Rogers comes in damp with a towel around his neck. He freezes when he sees them, laughter he heard two seconds ago leaving the room with unpleasant tension as it echoes in their minds. He forces a smile. Tony doesn’t try to fake being civil with him this time to hide the hurt and just looks at him with that blank look in his usually expressive eyes. And god, it really makes Steve feel like his veins are crumbling and like he’s drowning in his own blood and that only he can know it.

“Hello, Colonel,” he says with a small voice, his eyes flickering to his crutches. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath to force the words out. “How’s the treatment going?”

Tony replies almost spitting hate before even Steve can close his mouth. “Why? Are you gonna land another blow?” It is the first time Tony ever said anything about their fight, war, whatever that was and Steve knew they shouldn’t have asked for Tony’s help when they’ve left his best friend unable to walk, when it was out he kept his parents’ murder a secret, when he crushed his heart with his shield. Steve doesn’t ask forgiveness but God knows it’s the only thing he ever wishes for these days.

“Tones,” Rhodey objects but his eyes are fixed on his hands and there isn’t any heat behind his warning and Steve knows it’s hurting him so fucking much, much more than Steve hurts and Rhodey is actually blaming him.

“I’m sorry,” he wants to say but Tony beats him to it, “Just go Rogers,” he says in a low voice, heat gone and Steve hates this tone even more than the accusing one.

***

Bruce doesn’t tell him Tony will come around and Steve accepts his tense, secret smiles, as if he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s trying to comfort him. He asks Bucky and him out for a lunch one day and it’s pleasant and light as it could be these days until Bucky “casually” asks how Tony’s doing. Steve winces at the tactless question but that’s how Bucky’s always been before the war, before he was Winter Soldier and it makes him glad that the real Bucky is not buried that deep.

But Bruce looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here that moment and Steve makes a mental note to warn him so he’s more careful when he asks.

Bruce answers tentatively, keeping eye contact, “He’s staying strong and sober for Rhodey’s benefit,” he says truthfully.

“Sober?” Bucky asks, curiosity visible in his face. Bruce and Steve wince together this time.

When awkward silence isn’t broken by anyone, Bucky asks cautiously this time, “Should I try to talk to him?”

They both shake their heads no with terrifying image of Bucky trying to make Tony understand (Steve knows Tony actually understands Bucky’s situation and that’s why he’s being so generous with them).

“That’s really not a great idea, Barnes,” Bruce says, trying to be gentle but firm. “It’s not how it works with Tony. Let him take his time. Don’t try to approach him before Rhodey improves. And honestly, I honestly doubt he has a problem with you.”

It is the truth and Steve wishes he’d died during the war.

***

It’s been three months since they last saw Tony (or Rhodey). So when Bucky sees Tony with a blonde dame on his lap, he stops short reaching for coffee machine. “Iron Man?” he says, as if trying the words.

Tony looks up, carefree and smug and pats the girl on the ass, “Off you go, gorgeous,” he says and ignores the seductive pout she sends his way.

“Looking good soldier, care to lend me your workout routine?” he says grabbing coffee before Bucky can.

“Uhm, sure?” Bucky says confused, and wonders if he should call Steve to make sure this is actually Tony, not some trick of Loki or whoever they deal regularly.

The rest of coffee only fills half of his cup and he starts preparing for himself, feeling like an intruder.

“Do you want me to leave?” Bucky asks, expecting a sly response considering how his teammates always talk about him but Tony only gives him a bright smile, “Only if you want to leave, you don’t bother me.”

He sits when he decides he would’ve left himself if he didn’t want to be in his company and stares at him without saying anything, as usual.

“You know, it’s actually creepy how you stare at me.” Stark says casually but it has no bite in it.

“Sorry, just trying to find out how to open a conversation.”

Starks grins at him, not at all bothered by his response. “Just make an ass out of yourself, that’s what I do.”

Bucky snorts and studies Stark a moment more before he says, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

His shoulders tense for a moments but he forcefully gives a shrug, “It’s been a long time, doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does.”

He looks up at him, eyebrows raised, “Are you trying to make me feel better or worse.”

“Neither,” he says, “I’m trying to apologise.”

He sighs and swallows the rest of his coffee. “You didn’t have a choice,” he says matter of factly.

“I’m still sorry.”

“I know,” Tony says softly and Bucky feels a delicate truce form between them. And maybe it’s still too soon, to stupid of him but he hates to see his best friend hurt so he can help but add, “About Steve…”

He can see Tony closing off, his eyes going cold and distant and he holds his hand up to silence him. “No Barnes, you didn’t know what you did, you didn’t have a choice. I accept that okay? But Steve,” he says, voice breaking when he says his name, “he knew and he had a fucking choice and I deserved to now, alright?” He is panting and Bucky can see he’s holding back some words and this is only the surface of what he’s feeling. “Even I deserved more than that,” he says quietly and his gaze turns to the door and Bucky winces when he sees Steve standing there with his eyes shining with unshed tears, agape and looking like the small kid who lost the beanie his mother knit for him.

***

They’re still Avengers, they still take their enemies down together but they don’t go for shawarma and there isn’t a party where Tony gives Natasha a lap dance and Tony doesn’t make Steve fall apart under his touch, kissing every inch of his soft skin, murmuring “I love you”s.

Instead Tony’s back in his floor with a couple and Steve’s already broken a glass thinking about the man’s large hands on the curve of his waist, Tony’s mouth on her cunt, making her whimper and thrash on his silk sheets.

Bucky winks at Tony when they walk behind them and gives him a thumbs up, accompanied by a obscene hand gesture, which makes everyone but Tony choke, even Natasha.

***

Almost everyone’s gone, Natasha and Clint doing whatever they do when they say they’re on vacation. Bruce is with Betty and Thor is with Jane. Steve leaves when he decides he can’t take another minute of Bucky and Tony flirting openly. He even slams the door behind him as he leaves the room, the walls rattling but keeping intact and he instantly regrets his actions but it’s too late to go back, so he pulls his hood over his head, keeping his head low not to attract attention and runs for hours and hours.

It’s hard to say he’s surprised when he comes home and find Bucky and Tony one. Tony, totally naked, despite never taking his shirt off in front of anyone, hands on Bucky’s pecs, riding him slowly, eyes cast heavenward. Bucky, meeting Tony’s movements with care, his metal hand on the arc reactor, almost caressing it.

It’s erotic but pure and vulnerable at the same time and Steve wants to bury his face into his pillow and cry over losing both his lover and his best friend.

But he still wouldn’t do it, if he didn’t hear Tony say, “Don’t leave me,” brokenly as Bucky started chanting his name like a mantra.

***

It is obvious, and he hates everyone who looks at him with pitying eyes. Tony calls Bucky James and Bucky calls him Tiny, which puts a small smile on Tony’s lips every time even though he tries to fight it. Steve wonders if Tony told him about their relationship and if it matters at all. He knows he has no place in this, he lost his right to even ask Tony questions when he decided not to share what he knew about his parents’ death.

He gets the answer to his question before he can go mad with it. Bucky quietly eats something Tony gets made just for him. He used to always decline things like this but Bucky looks so damn satisfied with his food that he’s kind of jealous.

“Tony told me you used to fuck.” Bucky says offhandedly. Steve feels like he’s been shot in the head. “Is this what he said?” he asks, trying to keep his voice casual. He feels Bucky’s metal arm scratch against his arm when he shrugs, “He said you had a complicated relationship.”

Which was probably nicer than Steve would expect from Tony and he wonders if his low expectations of Tony is why he doesn’t have him anymore.

“That’s true,” he says.

“So, are you okay with us fucking?” Bucky asks straightforwardly. Steve hates this for the first time but he grits his teeth and lies as if his life depends on it, as if Tony’s or Bucky’s life depends on it.

“If you are both happy.”

***

“Captain Rogers, Mister Stark wanted me to tell you that he’d like to have words with you if you’re not busy. He’s waiting for you in his room.”

It’s what he’s been waiting for longer than a year but it’s terrifying, and he turns his mood even darker as he steps closer to Tony’s room.

He doesn’t even have to knock on the door, he doesn’t have time to collect himself because the door is open and Tony is not alone as he’d expected. Bucky grins at him from the bed he’s lying on with only a tight boxer on his ass. He clears his throat, diverting his eyes away because Bucky has love bites all around his chest and Tony’s familiar fingers are massaging his scalp.

“Tony decided to talk to you without trying to cut your head off,” he says cheerfully and Steve feels his face heat and expects Tony to lash out at Bucky but his gaze doesn’t even flicker. Tony looks at him neutrally, which still makes him nervous because it’s not Tony at all.

“What did you think when you saw us making love, Steve?” Tony asks, an almost cruel glint in his eyes and his hands travel down to Bucky’s chest, fingers curling over nipples to twist them. Steve feels like his head might explode from confusion and anger but he also feels blood rush to his groin as Tony’s hands explores Bucky’s chest and he feels his breathing get quicker when Bucky rests his head on Tony’s shoulder, blown eyes on Steve. “Come closer, Steve,” he whispers with a encouraging smile, “You know you want to.”

Steve wants to scream and throw the fucking television on their heads for fucking with his head but Tony’s hand disappears under Bucky’s boxers and Bucky’s hips thrust forward in shock and suddenly he thinks fuck it and closes the space between the in two huge steps.

Tony stops him with his eyes, a ghost of a smile on his lips, “Get naked soldier,” he says, eyes clouded with lust and Steve complies him in a second and stands there with a hard on as Tony jerks Bucky off slowly.

“Suck him off,” Tony orders and it takes Steve back in old days, where Bucky would pin him down on the bed, only place where he’d let him and suck his cock until he spilled his semen down his throat. He’d never done that for Bucky but he’s done it for Tony thousand times and he takes the boxer off, not taking his eyes off Tony.

He tongues the head, closing his eyes at the taste, trying to code it to his memory in case this is the last time, then opens to watch them. He takes the head in his mouth, sucking gently, teasing, then going down on him slowly, and caressing the underside with his tongue and Bucky gives an involuntary thrust, making him gag suddenly. Tony whispers in his ear and grips his hips with one hand while his other hand is around the base of his cock to stop him from coming.

“Take him deeper,” Tony says and Steve looks at him under his lashes and takes it and takes it until it hits the back of his throat. He relaxes his throat, just like he’s done with Tony and after all he’s a super soldier but he still chokes when Tony slides his fingers in his hair and warns him in his own way. “Can you take whatever we give you Steve?”

Steve nods as much as he can because he will, he will do anything and suddenly Tony forces his head down on Bucky’s cock and his nose hits his pubic hair and Bucky shouts, thrusting as much as he can within his limited space. Steve can’t breathe and the tears wet his face but he’s satisfied and and he’ll take everything they’ll give to him and he swallows all of Bucky’s cum.

His hand goes to his throat when Tony releases him and he falls back on his ass on the floor. He can’t take his eyes off Bucky, who’s breathing so deeply and Tony is kissing his cheek and Steve wonders if it’s just been a game of Tony’s.

But he realises he’s wrong when Tony gets up with his cock red and hard. He thinks that he’s going to suck him off too and he opens his mouth but Tony just pushes him until he’s lying on the floor, shivering with the sudden cold against his back. He doesn’t miss the smirk on Tony’s face but all is forgotten when Tony wraps his hands around their dicks and jerks them off with harsh movements of his calloused hands. It doesn’t take long for either of them to come.

***

Bucky watches as Tony smiles at Steve, not as large as the ones in photos but genuine and he can swear Tony isn’t even thinking about his “treason” anymore. There’s still some tension between them, with usually shows itself in bedroom, when Tony takes him hard and furious at the same time he kisses him lovingly on the mouth, muttering things he can only hear because of his heightened senses like “I missed you”, “You feel so good Steve”, “I want to feel you tomorrow, forever”.

He jumps when Natasha sits beside him out of nowhere and he almost chokes her with his metal arm but the warm look Tony sends him distracts him at the same time.

“Don’t do this Natasha,” he says coldly, his winter soldier tone out of his mouth before he can stop it but she doesn’t seem bothered and that’s why he loves her.

She sends him a death glare, with goes straight to his cock. She smirks smugly when she detects the small movement of his hips and her hands cup his balls lightly first, then hard enough to make him jumps with shock and pain.

It makes him even harder.

“When will you have to stop attending these threesomes?” she asks professionally, clearly pleased that her plan worked out so well.

Bucky shrugs, “Preferably, never, Sex is just so good,” he says, trying to goad her on.

“As good as it’s with me?”

Bucky laughs and smiles at her with soft eyes, “Never.”

***

“What do you mean you were never together?” Steve asks, almost screaming. Tony looks at him with confused eyes, “I mean we were never together, Rogers. Why did you even think otherwise?” He looks over Bucky, who’s trying to stifle a laugh. “James, what’s this?”

Bucky shrugs, “Apparently Steve thinks our relationship involved emotional package along with sex.”

Tony looks even more confused, “The sex was just too good to pass on.”

“Bucky asked me if I was okay with you being together,” Steve exclaims, an accusing finger stabbing at Bucky’s chest.

“No,” Bucky stops him, “I asked you if you were okay that we were fucking and that’s how you chose to understand it.”

Tony looks at him with narrowed eyes, “You tried to make him jealous.”

Bucky shrugs again.

***

“Tony,” Steve approaches him carefully, like he’s approaching a wounded stray cat. “I’ve never told you I’m sorry.”

Tony doesn’t look at him, “I know you are.” They both hear the unsaid “but it doesn’t change what you did to me.”

Steve sighs and thinks this asks for more courage than everything he did so far. “Will you ever forgive me?”

Tony looks at him sadly, and lets Steve takes his hand. “I’m forgiving you every day.”

“Okay,” Steve says, despite the soul deep ache, “I can work with that.”

Tony chuckles and Steve thinks, yes, I can work until I’m dead for you.

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, it started as a Bucky/Tony in my mind but I couldn't help it when it slowly turned into SteveTony again. I'm helpless against my OTP. Hope you liked it!


End file.
